Time : 2021-08-03 21:54:49
Điểm: 7/10
Dear John Carlson,
Thank you for your letter that told us your concern about the new shopping center and your requests for some information. I am writing in response to your letter.
Firstly, you and other residents are worrying that our shopping center will break the peace of this place. I am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause to you and the others. And it will be open from 9 a.m to 8 p.m every day so I think the residents will feel less disturbed and still have quiet time in the morning and at night. Moreover, our shopping center will bring many job opportunities for locals and we also promise that we will buy local products such as vegetables, crafts and so on and sell them in the shop. Thus, this shop will contribute a lot to the development of this area. In addition, our shopping center will provide a variety of products so people do not have to drive a long way to the city to buy their favorite goods. I think its benefits will definitely outweigh the drawbacks. Therefore, I really hope you and other residents will be more open-minded about it.
Secondly, I am sorry for the missing information about the plan. I would like to answer your questions about the shop in this letter. About the dates of the planned building work, it will be started on 1st September 2021 and will be finished in April 2022. The size of the centre is 37,000 m2
Moreover, I am happy to announce to you that the shop will have a spacious parking lot in front of it so people will feel more comfortable shopping here. I hope that you and other residents will choose to shop in the new shopping center in the future. If you have other questions, please feel free to contact me.
Yours faithfully,
Ann Smith.

Nhận xét của giáo viên :

Dear John Carlson,
Thank you for your letter that told us your concern about the new shopping center and your requests for some information. I am writing in response to your letter.
Firstly, you and other residents are worrying that our shopping center will break the peace of this place. I am sorry for any inconvenience this that (dùng mệnh đề quan hệ) may cause to you and the others. And it will be open from 9 a.m to 8 p.m every day so I think the residents will feel less disturbed and still have quiet time in the morning and at night. Moreover, our shopping center will bring many job opportunities for locals and we also promise that we will buy local products such as vegetables, crafts and so on and sell them in the shop. Thus, this shop will contribute a lot to the development of this area. In addition, our shopping center will provide a variety of products so people do not have to drive a long way to the city to buy their favorite goods. I think its benefits will definitely outweigh the drawbacks. Therefore, I really hope you and other residents will be more open-minded about it.
Secondly, I am sorry for the missing information about the plan. I would like to answer your questions about the shop in this letter. About the dates of the planned building work, it will be started on 1st September 2021 and will be finished dùng thể chủ động với động từ start và finish in April 2022. The size of the centre is 37,000 m2.
Moreover, I am happy to announce to you that the shop will have a spacious parking lot in front of it so people will feel more comfortable shopping here. I hope that you and other residents will choose to shop in the new shopping center in the future. If you have other questions, please feel free to contact me.
Yours faithfully,
Ann Smith.

 

Bài viết của bạn phản hồi khá rõ ràng và đầy đủ nội dung, đặc biệt phần mục đích viết thư bạn viết khá hay. Tuy nhiên, có 1 số lỗi bạn cần khắc phục như sau:

- Bạn tập trung nhiều ý quá về lợi ích của mở trung tâm thương mại, bạn có thể viết ngắn gọn hơn bằng cách liệt kê bởi ý này chưa phải ý chủ đạo

- Cần bổ sung chi tiết hơn về dự án xây dựng trung tâm thương mại

- 1 số lỗi ngữ pháp bạn cần cố gắng về dùng mệnh đề quan hệ và thể chủ động vs bị động