Time : 2020-12-13 13:50:44
Điểm: 5/10
Dear Sameed Qureshi,

At first, I am deeply appreciated your notice about the issue of the faucet at our football ground and I am also really sorry about what has happened to your health because of dehydration and what your team has to uncombable encountered with during your practice sessions.

To respond to this problem, I will immediately inform the facility department of our college and make sure they will repair and make the working condition for those faucets. This preparation might take about one day to finished and at the latest at 5 pm tomorrow. So after that time, if it still has any issues, please noticing me as soon as possible.

By the way, I awarded the hard-working of you and your teammates in order to prepare for the upcoming competition against FC College and hope that will be rewarded worthy.

I would be more than happy to be informed about the problems which students face in school. So do not hesitate to let me know if it has any.

Yours faithfully,
College Principal


Nhận xét của giáo viên :

Dear Sameed Qureshi,

At first, I am deeply appreciated dùng thể chủ động your notice about the issue of the faucet at our football ground and I am also really sorry about what has happened to your health that you had to be rushed to the hospital because of dehydration and what your team has to uncombable encountered with that your team couldn’t quench your thirsts during your practice sessions.

To respond to this problem, I will immediately inform the facility department of our college and make sure they will repair and make ensure the good working condition for those faucets. This preparation might take about one day to finished and at the latest at 5 pm tomorrow diễn đạt lại dùng cấu trúc: It takes sb time to do sth hoặc sb spends time doing sth. So after that time, if it still has any issues, please noticing dùng động từ nguyên thể ở dạng câu mệnh lệnh me as soon as possible.

By the way, I awarded dùng từ khen ngợi hoặc đánh giá cao the hard-working of you and your teammates in order to prepare for the upcoming competition against FC College and hope that will be rewarded worthy.mâu thuẫn ý, chú ý dùng từ loại

I would be more than happy am willing to be informed about the problems which students face in school. So không nên dùng so đầu câu, dùng Therefore, hoặc Hence, do not hesitate to let me know if it has any.chưa rõ ý

Yours faithfully,
College Principal

Nhìn chung, bạn nắm được yêu cầu và triển khai ý đúng. Tuy nhiên, bạn diễn đạt chưa tốt lắm, các ý không rõ ràng bởi sự dùng từ và vận dụng cấu trúc chưa đúng. Bạn cần cố gắng luyện viết nhiều hơn nữa nhé.