Time : 2020-10-11 17:44:10
Điểm: 7/10
It is true that developed countries give people more facilities than developing ones. That is the reason why many believe that they will be happier when working and studying in such costly areas. However, even if I had a chance to live in a more developed one, I would never have a sense of well-being because of the following reason.
There is no doubt that economic growth always companies with the improvement of living standards. It means that those who live in developed societies will get higher-paid jobs, stay in more modern accommodations, and have flashy dinners in luxurious restaurants. Moreover, these people have better opportunities to approach new methods that help them get promotions in their workplaces.
However, working in a better work environment will also go with heavier pressure. For example, many people have to stay at work round a clock to find ways or outline competition strategies to compete with other rival companies. Such a situation may be responsible for mental problems for these busy people because they have no room for entertaining or releasing pressure. Additionally, it is difficult for them to communicate and teach their children regularly. Therefore, many kids will feel lonely and play with bad friends. To be worse, some of them may commit crimes because they cannot analysize which action is illegal.
In conclusion, although economic development is a wonderful prospect for improving the life quality of people, it cannot guarantee humans’ well-being according to the above explanations.

Nhận xét của giáo viên :

 

It is true that developed countries give people more facilities than developing ones. That is the reason why many believe that they will be happier when working and studying in such costly areas. However, even if I had a chance to live in a more developed one, I would never have a sense of well-being because of the following reasons.

There is no doubt that economic growth always companies with the improvement of living standards. It means that those who live in developed societies will get higher-paid jobs, stay in more modern accommodations, and have flashy dinners in luxurious restaurants. Moreover, these people have better opportunities to approach new methods that help them get promotions in their workplaces.

However, working in a better working environment will also go with heavier pressure. For example, many people have to stay at work round a clock to find ways or outline competition strategies to compete with other rival companies. Such a situation may be responsible for mental problems for these busy people because they have no room for entertaining or releasing pressure. Additionally, it is difficult for them to communicate and teach their children regularly. Therefore, many kids will feel lonely and play with bad friends. To be worse, some of them may commit crimes because they cannot analysize which action is illegal.

In conclusion, although economic development is a wonderful prospect for improving the life quality of people, it cannot guarantee humans’ well-being according to the above explanations.

Bài viết cơ bản có bố cục rõ ràng, đáp ứng được yêu cầu của đề bài. Tuy nhiên, em cần lưu ý những phần cô sửa ở trên nhé!